Saturday, January 19, 2013

Scares me, ex'bestfriend.

Bismillah.

It takes few months to write these.
And I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't read this.
'Unfriend' in facebook is easy. But how to unfriend from the heart?



I'm sorry for a lot of things, but most of all that I never got the chance to tell you how I truly felt about you. I can't tell you it anymore, you know, that would be awkward. So all I'm gonna say is thanks, thanks for who you are and what we had.

It’s upsetting to think that someone can, after so long, so many memories and so much love, just turn around and say, "Sorry, we aren't friend anymore." After everything they have gone through, it hurts to think about how somebody can change their mind on such a thing as their heart don't want anymore. I can’t even begin to understand the reasons behind this. I know things change and nothing lasts, but I just can’t seem to comprehend how can a feeling change, just like that, in a blink of an eye? And it scares me, so much. 


I look back on us and how we called each other best friends, funny cause in our situation the label was there but no promise attached to it's end. Our friendship was built up on a thousand smiles. i remember putting so much trust in you and you have prove me wrong, so many times you had me in tears, making up apologies cause i had no idea what i did wrong.

Sometimes you have to cry for no reason to make up for all the times you wanted to cry and didn't. If we really want to love we must learn how to forgive.


Don’t tell me that you're sorry. I’m so passed the things you say that you don't mean. And I mean it when i say, don't ever talk to me again. You hurt me. You deliberately hurt me. Put yourself in my shoes.

I looked back on us today, and I honestly don’t know why I missed you, and why I wanted you back. Sure, at the beginning we were kids rushing into things we had no idea what about, but slowly, instead of trusting you more, I trusted you less. But now I’m free, and I’m not sorry. I had to get out. I knew it was over long before you said it. And I thought you broke my heart, but you merely made it stronger, made it resilient. Of course I’ll never forget you, but there’s no way.

You thought I couldn't do this without you, but guess what, I sleep great at night now. I don't hurt because you're not here. I just had to learn to accept it and move on, and I did.

Letting go is something you do when you still love someone, but just don't believe in them anymore.

I know a lot of people know who she is, but I also know there are not that many who got to see the side of the bestfriend that I did. And that girl, well, I'll never forget her, never. I've learned so much about life and emotion from knowing her and I wouldn't change a thing about it. Your heart needs to go through some bumps like these in order to make it through. And I know no matter how many months go by, my stomach will always do a little flip whenever I see that face.

I can't believe I just gave up. I just let you drop out of my life. I tried to make you stay, then one day it got too hard and I saw what you really wanted was a life without me. So I gave up and now you're really gone. Wishes and reminiscing do nothing but make my heart break a little bit more.







You can feel when someone you hold close to your heart is slipping away, little by little. It's when the mere thought of losing a friend can bring you to tears almost instantly. The pain you are beginning to feel can crush your entire heart. Yet everything that you try to do to solve the problems only push them further and further away from you. When the only chance of getting back to the way things were in the beginning is to hope this person realized what they may be losing.

Don't pretend this is how it's supposed to be even you know more was meant to happen with you and me. There isn't a day that goes by where I don’t, at some point, think of you or some kind of memory we once shared. it’s like I look at a certain thing, hear a certain song or even eat a certain food, and suddenly I'm reminded of you, the times we shared, the conversations we had, and the bestfriend you used to be.

I wanted people to trust me, despite anything they'd heard. And more than that, I wanted them to know me. Not the stuff they thought they knew about me. No, the real me. I wanted them to get past the rumors. To see beyond the relationships I once had, or maybe still had but that they didn't agree with.


Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest. It's about who came and never left your side. All there is left to do is forgive and forget. So I want to forgive you. And I want to forget you.


Sometimes we say goodbye to people we love without wanting to though, that doesn't mean that we've stopped loving them or that we've stopped caring, it's just sometimes saying goodbye is a painful way of saying 'i love you'.

In three words I could sum up
  • Everything I learned about life: It goes on.
  • Everything I learned about love: It doesn't last.
  • And everything I learned about people: They change fast.

Sometimes you just need someone. Someone to make you smile when you’re sad, to tell you you’re beautiful. Someone to look forward to seeing you everyday. Someone to call you every night just to say I love you and mean it. Sometimes you just need someone.

Just because someone's pretty, doesn't mean she's decent or vice versa. I'm not into appearances.

I like flaws; I think they make things interesting.
We call that person who has lost his father, an orphan; and a widower that man who has lost his wife. But that man who has known the immense unhappiness of losing a friend, by what name do we call him? Here every language is silent and holds its peace in impotence.
thanks for being selfish, accused me for an unacceptable reasons.
one fine day, i wish we will learn from our mistakes.
what goes around comes around.

till then,
xoxo